Dance vs dance teacher

Nidhi attended her first dance class when she was 4-and-a-half years old. The 'class' was for an hour's time, but we left the class halfway within 30 mins.

When i was a child, i wanted to learn dance. My mom put me in music class instead. i quit after a couple of years - although i can sing, i can't for the life of me identify any ragas. When Nidhi was born, i had a deep deep deep secret desire to let Nidhi learn dance and watch her perform on stage. Of course, parents shdn't live their own lives thru their kids and since i subscribe to this idea whole-heartedly, i didn't even bother to mention my wish to anyone, not even Nidhi.

Then, Nidhi joined nursery school(playgroup, KG-I, KG-II) and every year her teachers told me that whenever they had a party in class, Nidhi was the first to get up and dance. In the school annual-day we all could see Nidhi's performance was better than the rest of the children, despite the fact that she was the youngest in her class. I accepted everyone's appreciation with a pinch of salt - after all dancing with her friends and learning classical dance are two completely different things - u only need enthu for one, but the other needs hardwork and dedication. And anyway, Nidhi was too young and her father was dead against sending her to any additional activity-classes - "no pressure on my child!"

One day i was watching Nidhi's baby videos, suddenly i realised, 90% of the videos shot starting from her toddler years has Nidhi standing and swaying to music from the TV/DVD - nursery rhymes, film songs, devotional songs. That's when i realised Nidhi has a natural interest in dance. And she has a good sense of rhythm. What if i put her in dance-class? It took over a year - to find a dance-teacher, to convince Mr.Appa and also for little Nidhi to grow up a little.

At 4-and-a-half years, i approached a teacher, let's call her by the initials of her real name - Mrs.PR, staying just next lane and teaching dance for almost a decade. A couple of children known to us were learning dance and thru them, we met her. At the outset she told us that usually she doesn't accept children as young as Nidhi coz she didn't have the patience to teach them, but luckily for us she was starting a new batch for children from 5-and-a-half years and Nidhi MIGHT fit in. She wanted to see Nidhi before accepting and after she met her and spoke to her she was convinced.

On the appointed day, Nidhi and I went to Mrs.PR's class. A lot of other children alongwith their parents were also assembled. What followed was a PR (Public Relations) excercise by Mrs. PR. She lectured to the students a bit abt maintaining discipline in her class and allowed one of her 'older' students(a girl of 7 or 8) to take over - Mrs.PR's impatience showing? She didn't care. A little while later she gathered the parents arnd her and now it was our turn to listen to her lecture. This is when i was greatful to her for her frankness coz she told us i am going to make your daughter cry and when she comes home crying it is ur duty as a mom to ignore her and send her right back to class. Apparently unless the children r afraid of her, they won't perform (Those were her exact words!). It was at this point i stood up with Nidhi and told her this approach unfortunately won't work for my daughter coz she's too young to understand y she is being terrorised. The teacher agreed this was her concern too for Nidhi. So i told her we'll see when Nidhi grows up a bit and we walked off, never to return.

First of all, i won't let anyone terrify a sensitive soul like Nidhi. And even if i did, there's no way her Appa is going to agree to this. So we gave up all ideas of dance class and life went on as usual.

Meanwhile the two children whom we knew(Mrs.PR's students) had their arangetram here - a huge show which was presided over by the Indian Ambassador to this country. Clearly the parents had left no stone unturned on this grand occasion. Relatives from all over the world had gathered and we went to meet everyone a couple of days before the function. Someone remarked that it seemed almost like a wedding to which the girls' uncle replied in no marriage the bride and groom were under so much pressure and had to endure so much torture. We came to know the girls had been practising dance for 8hrs a day the past one month. On the explicit instructions of Mrs.PR, they were first asked to abstain from eating anything and to follow a strict diet-plan. But as the big day approached nearer(and they had to visit an orthopedician for the aches and strain) they were asked the eat everything possible including non-veg to gain energy to perform. the girls refused saying first u starve us, now u stuff us - we don't feel like eating anything. One day before the function i asked the girls 'So, feeling excited?'. One of them replied for both saying i just wish tomorrow's day to be over - one way or other. i couldn't think of what to say to them and stuck to wishing them luck.

Now, don't get me wrong. i very well understand dance needs dedication. Especially classical dance. Hardwork, hardwork and more hardwork, until u reach perfection. unless u can devote that kind of time and energy it is meaningless. The two girls danced to perfection on that day, but at what cost? They had started learning dance with Mrs.PR when they were like Nidhi and today r on their way to become accomplished dancers. But, what abt their attitude. They danced superbly but the two mins they spent on stage socialising with their teacher while giving her a memento, both girls were as skittish as horses.

Did i want this for Nidhi? A child who loves to dance and shows a good sense of rhythm and style - shd i put her in a dance-class and crush her spirit and interest? A resounding No!

A few months later we shifted houses. i came to know of another teacher who had been teaching music, dance and veena from the past 14 years. A couple of children were going there but after my experience with Mrs.PR, i had no wish to burn my fingers again, more so bcoz it was Nidhi's fingers in question here. Six months were spent enquiring abt her, finding out if the teacher was really as kind as everyone seemed to say. At last, one day we went to visit her in her class, i was surprised to see girls as young as 3 years learning dance. this teacher was also performing therapy thru dance for autistic children. Clearly patience was not going to an issue here. When the little girls danced together there was no difference between who is bigger, who is younger, who is autistic, who is not. i could only see a group of girls dancing not perfectly, but beautifully enuf.

Nidhi joined dance-class with this teacher a few months before her 6th birthday. And on May 10th(a year and half later), she went on stage in a group of 6 girls, participating in a dance festival with 40 other groups. i thought i would cry, but i was smiling widely(like the macDonald clown) - when i saw my daughter dance there for the first time in classical style.

Today she is an infant in the world of dance. She has a looooooooooooooooong way of hardwork ahead of her. She enjoys her dance-class and never says 'i won't go today'. i find an easy camaradrie between Nidhi and her teacher. The teacher corrects her when she makes mistakes but Nidhi is not afraid of her, calls her 'Ma'am' with gr8 affection. Nidhi's dance moves r not perfect and even i spot mistakes in her sometimes. But, Nidhi's interest in dance is undiminished. She will hold her 'ara-mandi' position for 100, 200, even 500, but she will get up and stand straight if it pains her in class - she is not terrorised to ask for a glass of water during the class. And, best of all, she likes to dance.

When i sent the video of Nidhi's stage-performance to close friends and relatives, the common comment was how Nidhi danced with a smile and how much she enjoyed performing the dance. For this, i am grateful to God and to her teacher. It will take many many years and someday Nidhi will perfect her dancing style, but i am happy that by the Grace of God, she will reach there without falling out of love with her parents, teacher and most importantly, dance itself!

Yet another Aditi update

Aditi goes abt her business in a very serious yet casual manner.

One day, last month, I stood watching her. She had begun to crawl fast and was done exploring the underground of the sofa. Abruptly she changed direction and turned towards the TV-cabinet. She reached for the handle of the drawer and i held my breath waiting to see what she's upto. Coolly she pulled it open and took out the umbrella from inside.

I didn't reach for my camera. It was the first time she was doing such a kurumbu but i didn't have an inclination to record it digitally. That's what happens with ur second child. you know the chances that u will go back and play the tape/dvd containing this particular scene is remote. Rather record it in your mind. i frequently find myself recalling Nidhi's baby-hood moments - the day she asked her first question, the way she would pronounce certain words... everything is recorded permanantly in my mind. In my experience, pics have a better chance of being browsed thru than videos being played back. Which is y once or twice a year we get prints made of all our fav pics. And every once in a while i sit seeing all the albums in our house.

However, with Aditi, i find myself less and less inclined to record/photograph. i just go with the flow and savour that particular moment. And, share it with Santosh when he comes home.

Blogs r different. Both santosh and i re-visit my old blog(which is full of Nidhi and 'Nidhi-ism') and derive immense joy in reading and refreshing our memories. Which is y even though a month has passed i am sitting and writing this down here - the first time Aditi opened the TV-cabinet drawer. The kurumbu is captured here and her cool and non-chalant attitude, captured in my mind.

In the same matter-of-fact manner, she surprised us last week. i was sitting on the sofa and she slowly held onto my dress and then the sofa cushion and stood up. Although she has been holding onto us and standing up, this is the first time she held a stationery/non-supportive object. A couple of days later i found her standing up using the cot and peering into the gap between the bed and the cot.

So, 7-and-a-half months and standing up with support. (What, i am making things clear so that when Santosh and i re-visit this blog in our old age, we won't have to peer at the dates and count and calculate her age!)

And, when i started writing abt it, i never thought every week there will be an update to the matter. Usually she will have a couple of spoonfuls and then start 'phoooooh'. Then, couple of days ago, she saw me 'peshanju-fying' the rice and started 'phooooh'. And yesterday was even better. In what can be described as an improvement of the very respectful manner in which she says phoooh, she went one step further - she stuck her tongue out at me and said phooooooooh. Yeah, thanks Aditi! i am most amused.

(The one thing i can't do is stick out my tongue and say phoooh. Nidhi and santosh are experts and have tried to teach me many times to no avail. Now Aditi has joined their club. Like i said before, i am the one who feels adopted in this family!)

The next post has to be of Nidhi - so much is happening and i am taking so long to blog abt it.... Plan, plan, plan... plan ur time, Sangeetha! Oh, that's me talking to me, pls ignore!

Name Game

"Amamamama" was finally heard! :-) And also a very stylish, "Mamamamamama".

The first time Aditi said "Amamama" she was looking at the fan. i am assuming she's trying to tell me that she is my fan!

Also, since amamama was heard, for a week nothing else was said (apapapa, akakaka). i think Aditi is trying to make up to me for not having said amamama first.

All this was the week past. This week is 'Diplomacy Week'. Aditi is totally impartial. She treats me, Santosh and Nidhika on par and bestows her affection equally on all three of us. To prove this, she is even addressing all three of us with the same word. She demands our attention by calling us very respectfully : "Aeiy!"

(Detailed Phonic - also sounds like - "yeah-i").

Sounds like a good plan Aditi, giving all of us the same name. Makes ur job easier.

After all, ur father was the one who after Nidhi was born, wanted "one more like Nidhi", who would also be called Nidhi. See, he tells me, it will make our job easier. "Nidhi, come here" and both will come, "Nidhi, take ur bath", both will go for their bath, "Nidhi, do ur studies" and both will do their homework. Good idea, Mr.Appa. But only one tiny problem - u need someone called Amma for both ur children to actually do something!

The issue

I am not that kind of person. i never thought i was that kind of person. now only now, ever since i was a child i have been avoiding it. it's simply not my cup of tea.

my parents may have been responsible and my school most definitely is - for shaping my mind that is. i have trained myself to ignore and go on my way. trying my best not to cross path with it. move away, run, fly... anything to avoid facing it.

in my house, my mom was the one to confront. my dad would simply walk away - i think i learned it from him. he always tries to convince my mom not to do it, she never agrees. And, he never stops trying.

when i got married, i was very happy to see my mother-in-law do the avoiding. it was Santosh on the fore-front. Calmly he would face the issue and ensure it didn't bother neither my MIL nor me, nor anyone in the house. i was very happy - and continued to wallow in my ways. Never bothering to face the issue.

Then, i became a Mom. i noticed a change in myself, but didn't bother much abt it. Never did i confront the issue. Santosh was always arnd. Also, the issue didn't crop up very often. i was happy to continue in my bliss state, except to make a remark now and then. Just to keep Santosh appraised of the situation so that he can handle it. Delegation was the key and Santosh would in turn call outside help. After all there are professionals to keep the issue at bay. For months and years together if need be.

Then, Aditi was born. All my maternal instincts r heightened now. i have to do everything to protect my baby. Nidhi is grown and can take care of herself to a large extent. But the younger one is vulnerable. My responsibility.

Professionals can do only so much. Unable to understand why it isn't working anymore. But, one day Santosh was at office. The kids were in the hall and i was in the kitchen. Something snapped in me and i did something i never thought myself capable of. For the first time in my life.......
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I KILLED A COCKROACH.

Aditi wants to try new things

Aditi has decided to leave small things be and move on to bigger challenges.

However, in continuation of the Saga of the Spoon, when i feed her something she likes, specifically a piece of boiled carrot or aloo, she catches hold of my hand and guides it to her mouth. Almost as if she doesn't trust my hand to make the journey from the plate to her mouth and the deposit the piece of vegeable(Holy-moly, does she think i will guide it to my mouth instead???). And things which she doesn't like, specifically rice, she continues to express her disgust in her usual elegant and lady-like manner - "phoooooooooooh!".

But the Battle for the Custody of the Spoon is in truce for now and like i said, we moved on to bigger things. like wanting to drive the car.

Whenever i feel i have not done much work today or i need a workout for my hands, i suggest a drive in the car. Santosh is the one who drives and the rest of us r in the back-seat(as per traffic safety-rules toddlers must be in a car-seat or with elders in the back-seat). The first few days it was fine, Aditi gazing at wonder in the moving scenery. Then slowly it started. Actually it began when Appa started turning to her at red-signals and playing with her during that time. Nidhi would watch for the green and tell Appa to turn to face to steering-wheel then. All this laughter and fun excited Aditi and she was quick to realise all the fun is in the front - with Appa. Lo, even when he's driving she wants to go to him. Apparently, the way she lunges for him, she thinks he will even allow her to drive the car. Meanwhile, my biceps have grown well at the excercise of holding back an extremely energetic and determied baby. Thanks for all ur help, Aditi.

Ok, we heard 'appapapapa' and now 'akkakakakaka' quite clearly and lot of other things like 'adadadadada', 'tatatata', 'yayayayaya', etc. 'Ma' or something similar was heard exactly twice. But, i am not complaining. In fact, my heart is jumping with joy... after being called so many times i am now officially "Aatha!" We prove Chennai is in our blood somewhere!

And yes, couple of weeks ago, Aditi sat up on her own. Cheers!

Word Twist

When Nidhi hears/sees something she doesn't understand, u can trust her to use her imagination to come up with some explanation. Most often, hilarious.

This happened a couple of years ago. We were at a Petrol-bunk in Bangalore. Santosh speaks beautiful(at least to my ears) Kannada, of which i know a few words, Nidhi none at all. He handed over the money to the attendant and said 'Thagoli'(Take). At once, Nidhi turns to me, crunches up her face beautifully and says 'ennadu, thakkaliya?' (what, tomato?) :-)

Hindi in school started only from Std I. Until then, she knew hardly any words in Hindi. When i was watching a TV-soap on *+, one lady was being called Kaaki (aunty) by others. Nidhi started laughing 'ennadu, Kaakaya? Oh.. kaakai ki chaadam podu!' (Kaakay in Tamil means crow. Kaakai ki chadam podu is 'feed the crows' - usually said and done by my Mom in chennai.)

Now, Nidhi knows a lot more of Hindi, but still she never misses an opportunity to make us laugh. Last week, at a restaurant, i ordered kulcha. Nidhi pounced on me 'Amma, kulchaacha?'(Amma, have u taken bath?)

And a couple of days ago, Nidhi heard me speaking Telugu with our maid. I happened to use the word 'matalaadu' in my conversation. (matalaadu means talk). Few seconds later, Nidhi starts singing 'Maatalaadu bigad gaya, maatalaadu bigad gaya' (Maa ka laadla bigad gaya - song from Dostana).

Never a dull moment in our lives with Nidhi arnd! :-)